Photo by Erica Curtis Photography.
It's been a lifetime already ever since I returned from my California journey of discovery. Since I was a freshman in high school, really since I can remember, my life has moved at a greater rate then my mind can process it, or even decide what to do about it. It started with photography. I don't even remember getting my first camera, or taking my first picture (it was probably a low quality picture of a weed that I thought was a pretty flower or something) because it happened before I had time to think about it. I began shooting pictures of my friends and then a woman from my church asked me to take pictures of her family. After that, my calendar was constantly filling up with shoots. It was as if the Lord created in my a desire for photography after I was already living it out.
He seems to be doing this a lot, especially recently. I could sit here all day and write about all the times the Lord has set my feet on a path before I even realized where I was going, but I want to talk about where He is taking me right now.
Over the summer, I became anxious about money, marriage, and creating a life with more than myself in it and I began praying about getting a part time job. My photography had died down and money stopped coming in. I found myself too many times struggling to trust God. On my 5 day journey back home, I texted people I knew about part time jobs and nothing was opening up, and I am a firm believer of trying to find something you enjoy, rather than something that just "pays the bills." Literally (ignore my overuse of this word), two days later I received an email from my college about meeting for a possible media job. I didn't think much about it because I wasn't given very many details. After the meeting, I immediately felt an overwhelming presence from the Lord. I was offered a part time job as the Media Communications/ Marketing Assistant for Louisiana College. Sounds fancy, right? And the scary part is the president of LC would be my boss! EEK.
I was told that I was the only candidate for the job and was given a list of tasks that I would be doing each week and I became slightly overwhelmed. However, it only took me 3 days of prayer to realize that this is where I needed to be. Ever since I was a senior in high school, the Lord placed LC on my heart and I have defended it tooth and nail ever since (which is funny because prior to this I wanted nothing to do with it). I knew that I would be connected for life, or for at least a really long time. I accepted the job and I have already completed two weeks of work, as well as one week of classes.
YALL, the Lord is faithful and works so much faster than we think sometimes. In my life, He likes to work before He even lets me know it; it's like He waits until I pitch a fit and then says "you done? Can I talk now?" LITERALLY. ;p
It doesn't stop there. When you focus on God's will and start walking in where He leads, you know it's the right thing when good fruit is immediately being produced. During the first week of classes (2nd week of work), I noticed that I had been doing something that I wasn't aware of, something amazing... something that I have never been good at. I noticed that I had been living in the moment, not in a negative light, but in a way where the here and now was more important then the worries of the later. I became invested in the people right in front of me. I became task oriented and focused on what I was currently doing, rather than the 10,000 I have to do later. I started multitasking less and started paying attention more. I realized AGAIN that the Lord is working in my life so much faster than I can even notice and when I begin to notice, I fall on my face in humility and thank Him for doing what I can never do on my own.
I am in love with this job at LC because it causes me to be in love with the people in front of me and to constantly be aware of what is happening around me rather than what is happening in my own finite little world.
& today. Today I had coffee with a sweet friend, one who truly brings radiance in my life. She told me more about who she is and wanted to know more about who I am. She reminded me of home, a place of comfortable silence, a place I can take my shoes off and let my toes feel the freedom of the open floor, and a place I can always come back to because I know it can handle the raw, uncut parts of who I am inside. She reminded me of Christ and how good He is to me, even when I think I don't feel him.
Guys, can I tell you something? IT'S OKAY TO NOT FEEL GOD. I truly think God has disconnected himself from my physical feelings because He wants me to find Him in other things rather than in the butterflies that flutter in my stomach. He wants me to find Him in the silence of the hurting, in the conversations I have with other people, in the way the wind touches my skin on a humid day and in the sweet moments of every day life. THAT is when the genuineness of your faith is tested, when the feeling fades and your eyes become open instead.
Sitting with my friend today, I also realized another area of my life where the Lord has worked faster than I noticed. Throughout my life I have struggled with joy, as you have read in previous posts. About 2 years ago I finally began to surrender that to Him every day and open my hands to whatever He lays in them. The moment I began to surrender, He brought the sweetest girls into my life, one by one and in different seasons. Today, I realized that each friendship has something to do with joy, each girl has shown me something different about joy. One girl portrays joy in the way she walks and carries herself, another one struggles with it on an even deeper level than I do, yet has put her trust completely in the Lord, and another girl whom the Lord is constantly bringing her joy time and time again. Each one has amazed me in so many ways and today I realized the reason we were all connected. Yep. JOY.
So that's it. It feels like a lifetime has passed since I have been back from California, and I cannot wait to see all the little things God is doing now that will turn into something even bigger later.
Christianity is not a cycle of trying to make God happy by doing good things or self convicting yourself. Christianity is a lifetime of learning, a lifetime of clinging onto the one thing that completely satisfies us. And Christianity is a constant million-miles-a-minute journey that brings you to new places every day. Traveling the world with your favorite people has NOTHING on traveling through life with the CREATOR of the world, the universe, and the heavens. That is the journey I want to be on. That is the #1 road trip that you will never find on buzzfeed, instagram, or even tumblr, but it's the rawest form of adventure you will ever encounter and I wake up every day packed and ready to embark. That is where I want to stay.
